


Steven Universe in a Nutshell! And Steven!

by LezzlesTheBrave



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Gen, Parody, crackfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-29
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2019-06-18 06:03:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15479229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LezzlesTheBrave/pseuds/LezzlesTheBrave
Summary: Time to turn the TV on and tune in to Cartoon Network’s number one show. Teen Titans Go. But the airing schedule flopped, so guess Steven Universe will do.





	Steven Universe in a Nutshell! And Steven!

**Author's Note:**

> Diamonds, forgive me.

The music began, as colorful alien babes swirled around with a little boy jumping in the shot. A space of purple empty backgrounds. Garnet! Steven! Amethyst! Steven! Pearl! And Steven! They were gone in an instant as a wall of text appeared. In the few moments it existed, one could not care enough to read them. Brief as it was, the scene cuts to And Steven.

And Steven woke up and sat upright on his bed. He looked down at his oversized bubblegum-wad cat, grabbed a piece of his mane and chewed on it. Swallow. “GOOD MORNING, LION!” The bubblegum stared back. Damn kids shouldn’t swallow gum. No wonder he was getting rounder and blew bubbles at will. “Say Lion,” pondered And Steven, “What’s it like being dead?” Lion stayed silent as And Steven’s mouth opened again: “Just kidding! I ALREADY KNOW!”

And Steven went downstairs to discover a big sobbing bird. The giant rock upon her head made it harder for her to look up. “Oh, hellooooo Steven,” chirped the pearly white ostrich.

“Why are you crying, Pearl?”

Pearl wiped her tears, “I’m just thinking about your hot mom, Steven.”

“But Garnet just got married.”

“Your other hot mom, Steven.”

“Bye, Pearl!” And Steven said as he sped out the door and into the wilderness of his normie neighborhood. The skies were sky blue. The clouds were cloud white. Everything was the same, cause the budget wouldn’t allow otherwise. And Steven set foot, greeting every normie of Bitch City.

“Hey, Steven!” greeted girl-Steven.

“Hey, Sadie!”

“Here’s your doughnuts you didn’t ask for!”

And Steven took them with zero hesitation. Within two frames of animation, they were gone.

“Thanks, Sadie!” He was on his way when he found another piece of bubblegum on the floor and pulled it out from the ground. “Lars!”

“Thanks Steven! Time to go back to my ship!”

“But Lars, this episode needs more filler! Come back!”

Lars was gone. And Steven had nothing to do but waste the remaining 8 minutes. He began to cry. “I...I could just sing a song.”

“Steven, wait!” It was Sadie, and with her was the latest catch. Cradled within her arms, more doughnuts. She approached And Steven. Sadie brought her hand to his cheek, touching him gently and looking into his glossy eyes. She murmured: “If every hot dog was a hot dog, I’d eat a porkchop.”

And Steven paused his crying. “Thanks, Sadie. Sometimes I could just use some exposition.”

“What are friends for?”

“STEEVEEEN!” called Pearl from beyond the animation cells. “Why am I covered in these numbers?”

“Oh, Pearl! Everyone just wants to date you! What happened while I was gone?”

“Steven, you know gem lore is too interesting to spend a cartoon’s worth of time on. We’ll discuss this another day and let other people blow things out of proportion for us!”


End file.
